Relationships
They are very tricky things. Nobody can ever really be perfect at it and more time then not in your life they end. If your on the outside looking in when something like this is happening you kind of it is normally painful because you know someone who is hurt.
But what happens if your friends with both parties involved? How are you supposed to feel? I mean I feel like the person who is in the right is the person who is believed to be wrong. I have watched their relationship grow over the past year, and I’m pretty confident in who I think is right. It might just be because I am in a healthy relationship where no one runs the other and we are each independent people who just rely on each other to be around.
I have been in the position where I hated someone so much that I wanted to call them all kinds of bad words, but I have had solid things to back it up…But I don’t know…more on this later I suppose.
I just hate pitiful people
End of a Semester
I have never had an end of a semester without something to do right afterwards. Normally I would start working full-time and save up some money for when the new semester starts, but I can’t do that right now. I’m not used to feeling so helpless and well…bored.
I did pretty well this semester though, or well, at least so far. I’m still waiting for final grades. It probably was due to all the extra time I had to study, but it feels bittersweet to me. Like, why can’t I have both? I heard from one of my past co-workers last night and he didn’t even really seem to miss me at the place. I still don’t know the reasons behind my dismissal, if you can even call it that.
I have learned a lot of things over the past few weeks though. A lot of them have to do with relationships and interactions. One in to never put all the stress that you have on your partner. I never realized how much I was tearing Trevor apart with my unhappiness with myself. I’m still unhappy, but I try to have a better outlook around him. He has enough on his plate without dealing with my stress as well. Another is to always ask your friends to keep a look out for jobs. I have gotten more leads for positions and openings from getting random calls and texts from my friends and my boss from my school job then anything else. Also, make new friends. I suppose networking sounds more professional, but I spoke with this HR representative for an hour about our pasts and how crappy jobs can ruin a person and all of this other stuff, and it was honestly the most hopeful I had felt in a while. I gave her my e-mail and she is going to e-mail me if her company has any openings.
Things will get better, I am convinced of that, but until then all I can do is hope for it to happen faster. If anyone has any positions that they know of in the RVA area, could you leave a comment? Even if it is just for a bit of hope.
Jobs Part 2
So throughout my life I have always gone in person to get work. Even when I was 12, I went door to door to mow lawns, baby sit, whatever a 12 year old could do. As I mentioned last time, that seems to be frowned upon now.
However, there is hope out there! Today, while on campus, I found a pleasant surprise. There was a job fair in the student commons, mostly dealing with the medical industry, but hey, why not take a shot? I went in I found a few leads that will hopefully get back to me on Monday. Also, my 5 hours a week job that pays minimum wage boss, who is super cool, has been calling around for me to see if any of his contacts need extra staffing.
I always doubted the power of networking, but I’m starting to appreciate it more and more. My lesson of the day is to keep positive and talk to people, even if they don’t always like it. It is better to make a bad impression, then no impression, right?
Jobs-post 1
So about three weeks ago I was ‘let go’ from my job at a retail store as a third key manager. Which is basically doing whatever the manager and assistant manager didn’t want to. So I thought I had a pretty good background to find a job on. I figured that it wouldn’t take long to find something.
Apparently I was wrong. Working on week three now and it is driving me crazy. Now I haven’t had to go out and look for a job in a very long time, normally the jobs just fell in my lap. So in the past three weeks I have learned a lot.
1. Employers don’t like you coming to them. I have gotten so many horrible looks for walking in and asking if someone is hiring it isn’t even funny. They are all going through recruiters or just relying on Internet postings, but that takes me to number two.
2. Recruiters. They don’t want to tell you anything about the place you are going too. I was just trying to find out what kind of store they were sending me to work at and there was nothing except a ‘it is a highly specialized retail store’. Well that is great. Is it a sex shop? It is a children’s shop? I don’t want to waste my time and theirs if it is something I can’t do.
3. Craigslist. I use it, I actually don’t know anybody who doesn’t. But what is up with all the crazy people trying to tell me an employer wants my credit score to make sure I’m trust worthy? LOLOLOL! Don’t try and pull that one over on me…
I figured I would make this a bit of a series, just to communicate how I’m doing and any tips I have found to navigate this crazy market.
Wish me luck!
Friends
I will be the first to admit that I am not the best a making friends. I’m highly guarded and not very good at making conversation. At least though, when I do have a friend I don’t push them away for stupid reasons or make them choose between people.
I’m not laid back, but I will just allow you to go with your own flow. People are a lot like the water or the wind and not so much like a rock or something. I understand the need to move and flow with the rest of life.
Yet, when someone makes me choose between them and their boyfriend, puts their needs before everyone else constantly and then goes and does that thing anyway, and then just refuses to listen to the words coming from anyone there is a problem.
I hate people who are very self important and can’t sacrifice something small. This person tells people that they owe her for no reason other then making her unhappy. She wants others to sacrifice coming to her but can’t really go to them. I don’t really know how I came to be associated with such a person, but I think I will be a bit more cautious with such things from now on.
I have never been bitter and cold towards someone for their happiness. A little jealous, yes, but so go the human life. But to have someone so angry with you for being happy that they push their own chance for happiness out the window is stupid and unacceptable in my eyes. For every ounce I have of happiness I have an ounce of unhappiness, sadly it goes hand in hand.
I suppose this is part of the reason that I’m so guarded against people and the thing called friendship.
I’m most thankful that is it over…
Home from Rex’s house and things are so much better here. I don’t like to be around a lot of people to begin with, so to get out of the house and be back in my own is great. I have never been a person who has managed well in small crowds, but I don’t really know why that is.
Either way I have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to live past 60. It seems like every somewhat older person they talked about or the one that was there and talking had this very warped view of the world. I kinda wanted to just go to each and everyone and slap them. Not to mention they don’t listen, which really peeves me off because I’m trying to tell you something important here!
Any wedding plans that Rex and I wanted to divulge to these people they tossed aside and completely told us no. I never felt so discouraged and shot down. I haven’t even looked at wedding stuff since. And then on top of that with my medical problems I was told that I should never have children by some 60 year old women…
After this holiday I feel defeated and word down. I don’t even want to go back. I really don’t even want to remember it, but I can’t erase it from my mind either.
Either way I am happy to get back to my life. Now I just have to get all this homework done…
Thanksgiving
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
I’m not a big fan of this holiday myself, but that is okay. I don’t really eat much and I tend to dislike people peering into my life as to why I don’t do so. It is just because I don’t…If you want you can force food down my throat and I can be sick the rest of the day for you…but that is up to you.
Trev and I drove down to his mother’s for Thanksgiving, which is not bad I suppose. His grandmother is also here and that bothers me. I’m still just the girlfriend to her and I feel very strange around her, like I’m not measuring up or something. I deal with it though because I know it means a lot to Trev and that is what love is all about, eh?
I can’t wait to see my family though. They have done this sudden 180 as to what I thought my family was that is kind of nice. I still don’t expect much from them, but I do realize that they are attempting to be more like parents then they have been. Plus they have my puppy right now and I really miss her.
I have this idea for a short story in my head, but I can’t get it out right on paper. I’m hoping that a break from the job search and a different environment might help. I’ll keep everyone updated though!
In the mean time, have a nice holiday and wish me luck with mine….
This was very moving
From “Gift From The Sea” by Anne Morrow Lindbergh
When you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity – in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.
The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now. Relationships must be like islands, one must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits – islands, surrounded and interrupted by the sea, and continually visited and abandoned by the tides.
This is kind of how I feel about most things. Love is a big one, but I feel that all emotions are alike this. No one can feel anyone way all the time. I think that would be very tiring. Could you imagine always feeling happy or always be very mad. It would drive me insane. I find this as I’m trying to put together the wedding and at first is sounded very sweet and realistic and my sort of thing.
But as I think about it more, I think this is everything kind of thing. You can never be always happy with something. If I was always happy with my grades or my dog or whatever life wouldn’t be life. Life would actually be quite dull. I don’t know about you but I would rather live a life then live an emotion.
Oh, hai there!
Hello,
I suppose I will let you into a bit more of who I am and I what I do with my life.
Like I said, I’m 20 years old, going to college for my bachelor’s degree in Homeland Security and Emergency Managment. I live with my fiance, Trevor, or Rex and our pets Dia and Merlin. Right now I’m a am looking for a job and starting to plan our wedding that is going to happen eventually >.<;
I have lived over a nice portion of the East Coast, but my goal in life is to move to England and have some space where I can just live and foster greyhounds and other misplaced dogs. I’m currently in Virginia though, and hating it throughly. The roads and drivers are just silly for the most point…who makes an exit off of an interstate a 90 degree curve after you have been gonig 65-70 miles an hour? No wonder there is so much debris on the side of the exits…
I also write short stories and currently have a whole list of things that I want to write about, but just can’t get going enough to do so. With my short stories I like to make them concentrate on a particular emotion or feeling and see if I can get people to feel that by the end.
I think that is about it really…I’m not all to interesting…just the things that surround me are.
